And (w)here's the other one

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The name game

on August 24, 2012

From a very early stage in mine and Drew’s relationship, our future children were given names; but, not just names: they were give personality. This perhaps oddly premature characterization of our “fictitious” children was always done in jest (even if that jest was spawn in hope). It started off as a way to make our parents uncomfortable about one day being grandparents, and from there it just continued to grow. We would joke about how we would classically condition each child into the person we hoped they would be based on the name that we had given them. Everyone in the market for a family does this: “My baby is going to be… INSERT DESIRED QUALITY HERE.” We just did it in gross detail.

This joking was never something done in private: our friends and family were all well aware of the fact that we had at least named our future children, if not entirely aware of the fact that we had basically written their whole life stories prior to conception. But, now that the idea of us actually having kids is no longer simply an idea, but rather a reality, no one seems to have the slightest recollection of this happening. While on the phone with my mother the other day, she asked me if we had picked out any names yet. It seems that this is the only question being asked lately, and it’s the last question we thought people would have for us. However, I again attempted to go down the short list of names Andrew and I have decided upon:

Me: Well, for a girl, our first name is Cayden

My mother: Cave in…?

Me. No. Cayden.

My mother: Cave in… that’s interesting… (hints of WTF making its way through the tone in her voice).

Me: No Mom. Cayden. With a “D” like Dan. C-A-Y-D-E-N. Cayden.

My mother: CAVEN. Yeah, that’s what I said.

Me: Yeah, but that’s not what I said. There is no “V” in the name. It’s Cayden. Like Cady (Katie: thank you Mean Girls) CAYDEN

My mother: Catherine. That’s pretty.

No: (sigh) No…

This went on for some time, with Drew laughing hysterically in the background, until I found myself absolutely exhausted. We got through just the one name before I was forced to fabricate some reason to hang up the phone. I couldn’t possibly survive trying to remind her of Temperance.

No one seems to remember these names at all, despite us having mentioned them hundreds of time over the last three or so years. And now, every friend and relative has asked if we are going to be naming either baby after them. If they had their way, Baby #1 would be named Lori Elizabeth Michelle Lynn Kirby. Not so bad. Actually could work: especially inย  comparison to Baby #2, which would be named Cody Sergio Jason Reis Cole Andrew Henry Michael Kirby. We even received the request for Wasabi. Thanks Boots.

You know how hard it is to tell people, “No, we won’t be naming our child after you,” regardless of how ridiculous the name would be. Could you imagine? Wasabi Kirby. It’s as if just because we are having twins, people think they can lay claim to naming privileges: like coming up with two names at one time is beyond or mental capabilities. I know that all this “name-it-after-me” business is done in fun, but sometimes I’m not so sure. I heard the disappointment in my mom’s voice when I told her, “No.” (Well, ok. I never actually said the word “no.” It wouldn’t form between my lips. It felt like saying that word would parallel a slap in the face to the woman who raised me. I just him-hawed around the subject, but she got the point anyway, and that still sucked).

Though we have gotten some mixed reviews (however, mostly positive) regarding our selections, we are as attached to the name as ever. Luckily the characteristics we have attached to them have begun to mean very little. I had always feared that we were setting the bar a little high anyway. Ultimately, we don’t care about any of that right now. Yeah it would be nice to be the mother of a future president, but let’s face it: I’m pretty sure I have already managed to ruin any chances that my children could possibly have a successful career in politics. Momma was no saint ๐Ÿ™‚

With all the name planning and such, Andrew and I never really considered that talking to our children as they grew inside of me would pose any problems (with regards to names that is): but, Drew brought up a good – even if totally insane and neurotic – point. It’s not just one baby anymore. There are two individuals growing and living inside of me right now, and how are they going to know who’s who?

Drew: What if we have boy/girl twins? Maybe the boy is going to think his name is Cayden. That could really mess with him later in life. And what if the girl likes the name Bennett better?

Me: I don’t think that is going to be an issue, Honey.

Drew: I know there is pretty much no possible way that this could ever happen, but what if they get attach to the other name? Then they may be disappointed when they realize they have been a different person the whole time and have to start life with a name they don’t identify with.

Me. (smiling as if to say “I can’t believe how much I love you because you’re so ridiculous.”) We don’t have to call them by their names if you don’t want.

Drew: I don’t know.

This whole name crisis aside, not knowing the sex of the babies has actually presented me with a different kind of problem. As of right now, we just refer to them as “Babies”: one entity, which is something I never really wanted to do. I want them to have a real since of individual identity. They are (or will be) two different people, and I can’t wait to know if they’re boys or girls or a combo set, so that they can have a real name of their own and start to become those people, regardless of Andrew’s insanely cute fear that they could end up being forever confused about who they are.

We could just settle on Thing One and Thing Two for the time being. And who knows, maybe it will stick.




3 responses to “The name game

  1. My brother suggested I would possibly like this website. He was entirely right. This publish actually made my day. You cann’t believe just how much time I had spent for this info! Thank you!

  2. Shana Gardner says:

    lol….Drew you have no worries it will all work out. Just keep doing what your doing so we can all lol. Love you both and congrats.

    your friend,


  3. jenilynnn says:

    Thank you Shana! And thank you for all the baby stuff. you know we’ll need it ๐Ÿ˜‰

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